I’ve said before about how this journey to prepare to leave our existing lives in the rat race has made me learn some difficult things about myself. I’ve also realised lately, that I think too much about the future and worry, plan and ponder to extreme!
I always knew I planned too much, and one thing I would love for next year is to be able to let go and see where the road takes us. How much I’ll be able to let go I don’t know. In our family unit it’s always me who makes the decisions, me who works out where to go, where to park, if we’ll spend our money on ice creams or in the attraction down the road. It’s pretty tiring and occasionally I have a strop about it, but I’m afraid after 15 years of being with James and 12 as a parent, it’s a role I feel stuck in! It doesn’t help that I change my mind so often about things that then James complains he doesn’t know whether he is coming or going.
I knew I was getting ahead of myself as I kept thinking about way ahead in the future and I have been worrying about loads of stuff.
What are we going to do about education for the kids as they reach exam age? Why am I worrying about this now? We’ve been happy with how we educate, being on the road won’t change things too much. M is only 12, so what if some kids do gcse’s at his age or 13/14. So what? We can do what we like. I need to not worry on this. If we decide they need to do exams, we’ll sort it. If not they’ll be getting such a fab experience anyway.
What are we going to do next winter? And after that? Where shall we go? First things first! Thinking about where next is making me want to do the ‘next’ things now and there are various reasons why we’re not doing that. I’ve always wanted to have a camper, always wanted to explore the UK. Of course we need to think about after our 6 month road trip, but I don’t need it to consume me. I need to enjoy the anticipation of this part and see what shows itself for the future. This part first.
How are we going to earn money, how can we make this a lifestyle (if we end up wanting it to be)? Ok, this one is quite important I think. What I need to not do is spend every minute wondering how we can do it. If it’s meant to be we’ll get there. I’ll do what I can do for now, but I need to not worry about how we’ll fund life a year from now. We may even decide we don’t want to carry on. We might want to return to our normal lives.
Travelling full time with kids is such a big thing. Actually just having kids is such a big thing and such a huge responsibility. But you know, kids do ok, and mine will too no matter what we decide to do so it will be so much better if they have an engaged mum who is with them in the here and now. Because I can be sure as hell that actually they aren’t worrying about the future!
So I’ve made a bit of a promise to myself, which is that I will try my hardest to live in the present and not worry too much about what is to come. This will be difficult, we’re planning to change our lives so a lot of our focus is on the future, but there must be a way to try and keep ourselves grounded and enjoy our lives now. We made a start yesterday by spending a little bit of time together as a family just chilling out at the beach. We were headed to take my daughter to a holiday camp for a week, but we all decided we’d like to enjoy some time watching the waves. It was a good decision as I think we were at the only place in the UK with a bit of sunshine!
It doesn’t need to be much. Just being there, living in the present and enjoying life. But it could just make all the difference!